As The Food Network would have you believe; basically every country
in the history of food eating will claim the invention of pizza: the
Ancient Greeks were noted to use their shields to bake bread with cheese
and spices. The Lebanese and Persians baked bread with cheeses and
dates, and even the Latin poem of Aeneid in 19bc reference what could be
understood as pizza by calling them tables to be eaten. Weird stuff.
But hey, even in American culture we're in a constant battle of which
region supplies the best type of pizza (it's Detroit, BTW). Nobody has a
clear story. Pizza moved to the US of A unofficially before the 20th
century in New York thanks to Italian immigration and came to prosper
more so during post-war times when the first pizza chain stores were
introduced in California. That's our story. But, because of that initial
boom in family run and loved pizzarias in NYC, I bring you a calm to
some American pizza storm confusion- where in NYC can the best slice be
found for the Michelangelo in all of us?
I'm no slouch in the pizza eating category, so, with this short introduction due to my over abundance of affection for New York City (just like Answer W. K. said) (I miss you deeply) I bring you the results of my NYC mini-tour in all things pizza. Four spots in as many days- good thing Manhattan is a pedestrian kind of town, eh?
E Broadway Pizza, Chinatown - Yassss Qweenies
My
first stop. Not just in pizza but in the city. My plane was delayed for
hours and by time I finally made it to Laguardia (after waiting again
on the tarmac for about 50 minutes doing NOTHING because Spirit Airlines plus
a drive from Queens to Chinatown) Broadway was one of the only
vegetarian friendly places open nearby after 10pm. Gino, my incredible
Airbnb host showed me the way to one of the most New York things I could
imagine. A gorgeous oversized slice of cheesy brick oven goodness
*swoon* after hearing two rats fighting or doing it under a car on the
street. For $1.50 I received a piece so large that it was everything I
needed after nary a cracker for about 9 hours. But it was good because
it was good, not because it was there. Easily the best pizza of this
self-proclaimed tour. Crisp, melty, seasoned! Actual seasoning!
Perfection. If I could tolerate a day 5 of nothing more substantial than
pizza and were near Chinatown at all by then I would have definitely
become a repeat offender.
Villa Pizza, Times Square - Hard No
I did not
want to go here, actually. I just got to walking in Times Square one
night and it is difficult to find vegetarian friendly food on the street
corners that aren't just fries that is also mascot character free. It
was roughly 9:30p by time I ate as I kept trying to put it off, but as I
was staying in Harlem (ugh never again) and had nothing around there I
could trust besides the WORST Dunkin' in history. Erlack, I had to eat
downtown. So, it's either crap pizza or paying for a 3 course meal
because it seems like there's no in between if you don't want to eat on
the street. So, crap it would be. I can get Villa at the mall near my
house. It's not good, not as flavorful as even Sbarro, but I soon had it
in my head that this would be my holy grail of dinners since my feet
were dying and at the mall food court it's usually around $8 for pizza, a
side and a drink. I must have blacked out and forgotten where I was
because in TS it's about $14 for the same. Actually, less than the same.
I got pizza and a pop for $12 and some change and my piece was real
small so I was actually still hungry but so bitter at the crappy pizza
for so much money that I refused to pay for anything else in Times
Square. So, no, don't go here. It's weirdly loud, the pizza sucks, it's
bland, dry and rife with bitterness and and overabundance of price. Not
worth it. The place at the mall food court is actually better and faster. You come to Villa knowing you're paying more than it's worth, but, not this much. Bummer.
Radio City Pizza, Broadway - Harder Fuckin No
I
went here on a whim, not actually intending for pizza, but mostly
looking for something to drink and a place to pee. But I figured I'm
hungry and already walked 6 miles, let's continue this god damn pizza
journey. This was actually the last pizza I ate in town because this
place made me so over it that I couldn't face another slice. Or, you
know, timing, but still. This pizza was not good. I'm looking over their
photos and menu and reviews and people seem to like it? Okay. When I
went there was only one cheese option available, actually the only one
with
out
meat total, and it was square and lumpy. It was soggy yet dry on top
and dry on the bottom, overly doughy and old tasting. They reheated it
for me for a minute or two so I can't even imagine how dry and sad it
would have been otherwise. Maybe I just had a bad timing moment while
there, but probably not. Their rest room was in shambles, just like
their pizza options. There were bottles of cleaner all over the floor,
paper towels instead of TP and the sink was rusted from the tap. So, no,
I don't think it would have been much better on a different day. It was
just plain awful. Like, when you wish you had lunch lady Colleen back
from your Lakeview HS hot lunch days instead of this crud you just paid
$7 for- that's a problem! Freshish pizza in one of the pizza capitols of
the world should never be compared to and beaten in flavor by your
Styrofoam plate of "pizza" in school. But thems the breaks. (Shout out
to Colleen who is still great.) It was garbage pizza and I'm bummed to
have discovered it. I don't know what could have possibly happened to me
this day because looking it up now I'm seeing gorgeous pizzas and
options galore with 4-5 star reviews. LIARS! Look at that less than
mediocrity right up there! Don't do it. It's better to be hungry than
poorer and dissatisfied wishing for school lunches.
Ray's, Famous Original, Midtown- Meh, okay. I'd go again.

Pizza
day two brought me here but I like storytelling out of order,
apparently. It's more of a chain than you'd think because it's basically
just a hole when you look in. But, the pizza is good. I got a slice
with ricotta, which was new to me, and nearly defeated me. Well, I
suppose it did. I could not finish it but not for lack of want like
other places. *AhemFuckYouVilla* It's amazing at first- best thing ever
and every bite brings on a Pooh Bear dance, but then it hits like a
cheese brick half through and you're certain you couldn't possibly take
one more bite. It's roughly $5 or $6 for this one stupid slice that I
could not even finish. It was really good while the feelings lasted and
introduced me to a new flavor palette. Well, the same but different. Not
all cheese is created equally and I will fight you on that. I'd go here
again, but be advised that the signs say things like cheese slice $2!
or One topping $2.50! and other lies like that and what they mean is
that this piece of shit dunce cap we call pizza sitting in the darkened
corner without so much as a heat lamp that was made 6 hours ago- THAT is
$2. There's nothing specifying any degree of menu item here, or at
least it's a map of confusion rather than just something like "here is
some pizza, it costs this much money, do you want it?" Yes, yes I do.
Though a tad more pricey than I'd prefer from my holes in the wall
joints, because I reckon I was spoiled by East Broadway right off, it's
still pretty good eating. There were tons of options if you're into that
kind of thing, and as long as you know it's going to be more than a few
bucks you'll be fine. I sat and read for about 45 minutes without
feeling rushed (I read the shit out of Unbroken ALL over this town!) and
was full enough to make it past an hour, again, unlike other places. It's worth at least one stop. Like Baskin Robins, there are probably 31 flavors.
So, all in all, E Broadway was the best and I am betting that all pizza holes in walls that peddle 'za for $2 or less are all the best pizzas in town. In my small field test here I sort of picked up that the more expensive the pizza slice, the more terrible and wasteful it is. Mostly, at least because Ray's was okay and middle of the road in price. But speaking in generals, I agree with my own words. For being the kinds of places you can walk into, get a paper plate of food and leave; the cheaper the better. For every reason. Perhaps on my next trip I will round out on bagels (pun!) and/or desserts. But for now, you know you love me.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
Just kidding. It's still me. But, please do send me your NYC tips.
Be kind out there, my doves.
I'm no slouch in the pizza eating category, so, with this short introduction due to my over abundance of affection for New York City (just like Answer W. K. said) (I miss you deeply) I bring you the results of my NYC mini-tour in all things pizza. Four spots in as many days- good thing Manhattan is a pedestrian kind of town, eh?
This drawing had me before I'd even ordered from Broadway.
E Broadway Pizza, Chinatown - Yassss Qweenies

Villa Pizza, Times Square - Hard No

Radio City Pizza, Broadway - Harder Fuckin No


Ray's, Famous Original, Midtown- Meh, okay. I'd go again.


Look at how gross this looks. Dry and burned fare at Villa. Only $5 for two. Hard pass.
So, all in all, E Broadway was the best and I am betting that all pizza holes in walls that peddle 'za for $2 or less are all the best pizzas in town. In my small field test here I sort of picked up that the more expensive the pizza slice, the more terrible and wasteful it is. Mostly, at least because Ray's was okay and middle of the road in price. But speaking in generals, I agree with my own words. For being the kinds of places you can walk into, get a paper plate of food and leave; the cheaper the better. For every reason. Perhaps on my next trip I will round out on bagels (pun!) and/or desserts. But for now, you know you love me.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
Just kidding. It's still me. But, please do send me your NYC tips.
Be kind out there, my doves.
I love the title of this post! The only one of these I have eaten myself E. Broadway Pizza and it was really good! I have seen gas station pizzas that have looked better than the Villa Pizza
ReplyDeleteIt's the best one! And yeah, Villa was better from lakeside mall than in times square, it was not even pizza!
DeleteI'm not the hugest fan of pizza, but I have to say that the E.Broadway Pizza looks pretty delicious!
ReplyDeleteIt is! Plus, they give back to the community so that somehow makes it taste even better.
DeleteLove your guide to pizzas in New York! I adore pizza, serious yum! So this is perfect for anyone in New York and looking for some of that scrumptious dough. I like that you've rated as well to show the places that aren't so good, very thorough!
ReplyDeleteJordanne || Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk